I have come to the conclusion that I do not 'belong'. I don't 'fit in' and I don't think my family get it. To be honest I don't think they ever got why I went travelling in the first place, never mind why I moved to Africa and why I want to travel some more. This was ever more evident when I found presents that I had made and bought for them shoved in the back of the cupboard and being sent to the charity shop. To be honest I feel like an anomaly in my family. My interests are completely different, ever since I've been young I've felt different. From my children's encyclopedia where I loved reading about different cuisines and cultures around the world to my dream world in books that could transport me to far-away lands without ever leaving my bed, I've always been a dreamer, wanted more than what was around me, was obsessed with other countries. And that interest that was born in me when I was younger has not left me yet, I wonder if it ever will.
So if I do not belong in my home town, where do I belong? Where is now my home? Where is the place I should be returning to and slotting back into daily life?
And so I put it out there, is travel something that changes your feeling of home?
Hmm, tough one.
ReplyDeleteIt's never easy moving back home. I lived at home for a few months before moving to Edinburgh and it was tough. The more of the world you see, the less content you are going right back to where you started from. If you're stuck at home for a while, try to find a way to see it in a new light. Take up a sport or a hobby. Photography, sketching, running or cycling would all change how you see the place you grew up in.
As for people not understanding you, well, that's also a tough one. It's something you have to work on, especially while you're there with them in person. It's a two way thing too. If you feel someone doesn't understand you then maybe you're not fully understanding them? I'm a bit sleep deprived right now, that may not make any sense. But talk to people. Find out what's important to them, what drives them and worries them and they'll probably start to get you a bit better then too.
I'm running, trying to write this blog but more importantly trying to find work that gives me enough cash to move out! I know what you mean about me not understanding people and I guess it's a two way thing. Not being able to understand how the other people are content with what they do and them looking at me wondering how I am happy doing what I do!
DeleteThanks Noel, as always words of wisdom.
Fiona...I completely understand and feel exactly what you feel. 'All those who wander are not lost'. I find that phrase helps me a lot. We have a different idea of what we want from life and seek that because we are able to. In fact only some of us are lucky enough to be able to travel to far flung countries and have friends globally. Something about travel that makes you realise that experiences are more valuable and that friendships formed in foreign countries over a short period of time are able to sustain all the adventures that lie ahead. So fear not, you're not the only one...there are a lot of us out there :) And one day you might just wake up in a place that you realise you belong to, without realising it you've become a part of it. When that happens, you will call it home. It might be millions of miles from the home you grew up in or it might be down the road. For now keep searching for home and whom you want to share that place you call home with.
ReplyDeleteYa that J.K Rowling quote is one of my favourite. And even if I am lost, I kinda like it :P
DeleteThanks lady, hope to catch up with you in London again soon